DYA: Slay Anxiety
Painting my way out of anxiety in London
Dear Young Artists,
Do you ever have trouble getting started? This is a journal entry I wrote to myself about getting into the creative space:
Find the pleasure. Grasp onto the thing that will get you into the mode of creation. Slay the anxiety. Slather it in butter, chocolate, cream, sunlight - whatever it takes to be in it, to soften the hard edges that keep you from your brilliance, the prickly bits that beckon you to procrastinate another day. Cover them with clay and flowers. Soften all the edges - to get yourself off the edge and into the valley, rolling downhill — momentum. Pour. Bend. Sway. Play. Get out of serious.
Serious is a lie that Ego tells us so we won’t make today. So we won’t change. Ego says “this is serious” so that we stay scared. So that we forget how to be children. How to have fun. Let it be unserious now. Try it out for a while. Let the hard edges melt. Indulge yourself - the part of you inside the shell that everything has happened to. Indulge the you that can delight in the doing - no matter the time it takes. No matter the result or how “good” it is or if you know what you are doing. In fact, even better if you don’t! Then you’ve found it. The place where innocence blooms into genius. But you won’t find it by staying rigid, gripped by dread. Gripped by the false story of how things are somehow “not right” or its not the right time or place. Pull yourself from the “not right” fountain. Stop drinking from there.
Lick your lips and soften. Feel the pudgy pads of your fingertips pressed together and soften. Shift your weight and soften. Grab a snack and soften. Watch how the tree leaves move in the wind with no anxiety, all soft edges and beauty. Imagine time as a lump of Playdoh. Smush it left and right, right before your eyes. Smash a nice bowl in it where you can curl up and create. Be not eager to climb out and tend to something. Feel the pillowy dough of this space and delight in the UNSERIOUSNESS of it. The gift of it.
Now create.